We have a mix of people visiting our blog; some are into BDSM in Real Life only and some are into BDSM in Second Life only (I know that this is a provocative statement to some RL BDSM fundamentalist, but what heck, deal with it!). Some are, like us, into BDSM both in Second Life and Real Life. This post is mostly targeted at people that are curious about BDSM in Second Life.
One of the best things with Second Life is that it is totally free to join.
Second Life is basically a vast 3D online environment, which is based on user created content. Some want to define Second Life as a game, I don’t want to label it as a game for a couple of reasons;
- There are no specified tasks or goal within Second Life
- There are no built in functions to judge whether you have reached any specific game oriented goals
The fact that Second Life is based on user created material has turned it into a diverse and flourishing world.
This also means that the sex domain is well developed within Second Life as well and this is a subject that sometimes splits the community within Second Life and is often debated. The sex scene is usually represented by the most common thing: Escorts and escort clubs and the come in all shapes – Demons, humans etc. The fact that you can earn real life money from escorting in Second Life has turned this into a widespread but inflated business opportunity to most people entering the sex scene as providers.
The tool that is often used to communicate the sexual experience is text chat, which can be public or private; but voice can also be used in Second Life and is growing slowly to be used in a sexual context, but also requires one to overcome shyness etc. Faking an orgasm in voice is most of the time easily recognised, so the ability to get off on cybersex is also necessary. I find it very arousing to hear another person cum, even if they are on the other side of the world – Maybe that is the peeping tom in me that drives that arousement.
The sex scene in Second Life also drives the diversity of kinks that are available to the people that wants to consume them, if you can find the kink in real life, then you can find it in Second Life without any doubt. Finding people into BDSM in Second Life is never a problem.
There are a multitude of places doing BDSM in Second Life, some are based on real life counter parts, some are based on kinks that would be hard to live out in real life, due to technical or social reasons. Whether you are into femdom, gor or prison play – You will always be able to find a place that caters for your kink.
What I like the most of Second Life is the possibility of bumping into people with the same kink and have an exchange of experiences and sharing of knowledge, just like you have in a forum but in real time. To me going into Second Life and talk about kinks, and preferably BDSM, is like meeting up with like-minded in a pub or at a club and have a good chat.
There are of course drawbacks as well and it is the same problems that you have with ordinary forums – How do you know how experienced a person is; you don’t. But then again, the ability to judge another person’s knowledge is based on your own knowledge and maybe you don’t know if you are lacking knowledge? I always look at what people do when they do BDSM in Second Life, I always listen to how they think around certain matters and how they take responsibility for their actions.
When it comes to BDSM then there are different ways to express that in Second Life, and there is one significant difference compared to real life BDSM. You cannot use physical stimulation as pain, flogging etc, as it cannot be transferred through the virtual environment and out into real life. Most good submissives will of course do what you tell them to do, unless they are disobedient, and administer the physical actions you order them to carry out. This is not the same as doing a scene in real life, but it comes pretty close.
To a lot of people this feels more safe than doing BDSM in real life as Second Life is a safety layer between the two people in a virtual scene. The sexual emotions can be as equally intense – But slightly different compared to real life and to be honest; I am not sure such a comparison is valid because if you compare too much with real life BDSM then it is almost like you are implying that real life BDSM is better. My opinion is that it depends on what you want. I do both myself and one doesn’t exclude the other, they work in tandem.
The safety of Second Life is important to a lot of people that are in the “I don’t dare to do it in real life” or “I don’t know if I will like it” phase. Then Second Life is the place for you and would say go for it! Second Life is a great learning environment and you can also try out a lot of things within BDSM. It might not be the best place to learn good flogging techniques, but you can definitely get a good feel for the psychological elements connected to real life BDSM – Those are easily communicated in Second Life. A good dominant will in most cases be good at messing with your head in Second Life and a lot of BDSM is head games. This also makes aftercare and similar things become equally important compared to real life. The problem with Second Life is that you can only talk when it comes to aftercare if that is needed – And it might not be sufficient enough.
Is it wrong to be a dominant in Second Life only? Not at all, to a lot of people Second Life is a testing ground and some eventually move the things they are doing in Second Life out in to real life and some people don’t – Either way is just fine. If it is enough with Second Life to cater for your urges and kinks, then that is totally fine. If you use Second Life to cater for some of your urges in between club meetings and real life scenes then that is totally fine as well.
Second Life is a powerful environment where you learn a lot about how people react under certain conditions, people sometimes behaves in strange ways in Second Life compared to how they would behave in real life. Second Life is also a place where you learn a lot about yourself and you are given the possibility to recreate yourself and try out different things in a safe manner.
Come and visit the people we have in our BDSM community in Second Life – And I can say without a doubt in my mind that a lot of them do BDSM in real life as well. So if you are looking for knowledge within two domains, Second Life and real life, then pop over to our places and have a good chat.
Maybe you will be given the opportunity to have a good play?
In For Life – Our immersive prison play sim
Island of Pain – Gathering point and playground for our BDSM community
Well said, Sir Stoltz. Where is the TP link to the City of Pain? I could use some more neighbors! -LordSir smiles one of those wickedly playful smiles 🙂
I discovered BDSM in Secondlife. It started me on my journey to find a rl Dom. So far unrealized, but I’ve had interesting experiences along the way. I was fortunate to find a rl Dom in SL who indeed played remarkable, intoxicating head games with me. He was willing to move to my country from his to continue in rl, however I got very cold cold feet and this was never reaized. I have some regrets about this. Thanks for your post.
Forgot to say thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. If you’re interested in an invite to Dirty Details I’d be honoured to have you. aoefey@yahoo.ca Thanks.
@aoefey – Don’t worry, when the time is right, you will overcome your fears and take that bold step into RL BDSM.
Many of us don’t even “discover” this part of ourselves until late in life. It is very hard to take that step into an organized BDSM group or club in RL. I remember the first time that I did it took going to the site of the club, sitting outside in my car watching everyone enter the place, and then coming back again the next month and doing it again. On the third try I finally overcame the fears to go in and see what was going on. I can honestly say that joining an organized group/club is, in my mind, the best way for a novice to learn and find a Dominant or submissive in RL. Choose a group that teaches, not just parties. In the beginning just watch and look for the players who interest you the most in terms of the type of play that they do. Find out from the staff how to approach that person. Ask the person your interested in if they can talk with you. Your now in the beginning stages of negotiation. It may or may not lead to a play partner or relationship, but it will lead to more confidence in approaching and negotiating with others. Good luck! -LordSir Ninetails
Compliments on your article, Stoltz! So well written 🙂
I’ve been practising BDSM in RL for years. SL has added an extra dimension to it, it has helped me develop and improve my skills immensely. I’m very fortunate to have been guided and helped by a certain someone in SL I refer to as Master. I’m fortunate to call him Master in RL as well 😀
Not forgetting to mention the fascinating people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.
Hi aoefe! Have not had time to keep up with your blogs, I’m afraid but I am delighted to see you posting here.
I need to sleep so won’t try to think tonight, but will send a quick email. Be well, all.
Just found your blog through a forum.
I’m a SL resident and have been experimenting with more and more BDSM in SL because of exactly what you’ve said. I felt safer. It helped that I’d been in the game for about 6mo when I met my Master in game. He helped me with my foundling interests and taught me a good number of things. My husband is quite happy with the fact that I’m more broad now in that respect. Though there are still things I’m timid about, I actually have a few kinks that Hubb doesn’t and I can live those out in SL.
Pony play for one is something my SL Master enjoys thoroughly (Hubb has no interest in it) and the fact that there are options available that allow him to fully take control of my avatar makes it even more pleasurable.
I practice BDSM through both SL and through RL. I’ve been involved with RL BDSM for…oh Gods, I don’t know how long…so naturally I was going to be involved when I joined SL, In fact, I met my current master through SL ^.^
Got a question though if anyone can answer, are Fur Avatars welcome at these locations, and if so, how well? I’ve had some bad expierences trying to find people to talk too and being shot down for being a “fucking fur fag.”
Fur avatars have always been welcome at the Island of Pain, we welcome everyone and our main rule is that everyone should be treated with respect.
I did an honest try a couple of years back to find out why Furries were not accepted by some people. I found out some information. There might have been a conflict in Lushwood, which is a furry friendly sim, which grew into other places. That conflicted became a sediment – So some people don't speak to furries, but don't always know why.
The other part of how some respond to you might be that they don't understand the concept of being a furry. They make the assumption that you are into zoophilia just because you dress up as an animal – Nothing could be more wrong of course, but this is how some people operate.
You are always welcome to the Island of Pain and I can vouch for the fact that we have a group of people there that like to chat and Welcome everyone with open arms.
Fur avatars have always been welcome at the Island of Pain, we welcome everyone and our main rule is that everyone should be treated with respect.
I did an honest try a couple of years back to find out why Furries were not accepted by some people. I found out some information. There might have been a conflict in Lushwood, which is a furry friendly sim, which grew into other places. That conflicted became a sediment – So some people don't speak to furries, but don't always know why.
The other part of how some respond to you might be that they don't understand the concept of being a furry. They make the assumption that you are into zoophilia just because you dress up as an animal – Nothing could be more wrong of course, but this is how some people operate.
You are always welcome to the Island of Pain and I can vouch for the fact that we have a group of people there that like to chat and Welcome everyone with open arms.
Can i ask is island of pain still on second life? Are people who have no real life experience in BDSM welcome?
Very nice article Sir. “Might not be the best place to learn good flogging techniques..” gigges, definitely not . But it can give more. First of all contact with people that are like us (meaning here RL subs and Doms). It’s good if we do have a possibility and happiness to live in the way we want , but sometimes we lack contact with people of similar needs. Someone to talk to, couples to share opinion, experiences, etc.
More, some can’t find their second half in D/s relation and whoever practice knows how painful, flustrating and sad that can be. To be there , just to hang out with these people gives a lot .
The only sad thing is most sims are like ”fuck fuck fuck” or empty. There is very few of real atmosphere, with people who do something more , and basically TALK.