It has been a stressful day. Not even half the things on my list got done today. Rushing from place to place to get things I needed, buying this and that.

Time limits and deadlines can be a nuisance, with a head full of cotton, they make your life a living hell. At least they make my life troublesome.

Everything was almost finished by the time i gave up for the day, better start a bit earlier the next day then risk messing everything up due to slow reactions and bad judgement late in the evening.

Very tired but not quite ready for bed, I sat down to spend some time in Second Life. Bad idea, very bad idea.

Can we say explosion?? I was ready to rip Masters head off and I did try!!!!

It had all started Wednesday evening with Master buying some new ballet boots for my avatar. They didn´t really fit but he promised to help me with that. As I rushed away to pick up some pizza for dinner he did make both my new outfit and new boots fit. I didn’t log on more that day so when i finally did log on it all came as a  shock. It didn´t look anything like the avatar I had left the night before!

Instead of making the boots bigger he had made my legs thinner, and not just a bit, half my bloody legs were gone! It wasn´t me any more. All the time I had spent to make my avatar look just the way I wanted it to look was wasted, all for a fucking pair of boots. I wasn´t allowed to remove the boots, nor was I allowed to make the legs thicker. I just couldn´t handle it, and it was all Masters fault. I tried to walk around for a bit but the sight made me sick. I logged off and was about to leave the room when Master told me not to. I kept yelling at him, blaming him for every little thing I could think of. I was told not to complain or whine about it, and that I wasn´t respecting the collar around my neck. I just didn´t care. He didn´t care about me or the things that belonged to me so why should I?? I was crying my eyes out and was very unhappy.

Master said I wasn´t respecting the collar and what it stood for, so he told me to get the screwdrivers so he could remove it. Just what I wanted, so I did. I fetched them, couldn´t get them fast enough. I slammed the box down into Masters hand, I didn´t even bother to kneel on the floor as he removed it. Then I kept yelling at him for a while. Master wasn´t a happy Master, it felt more like he was going to leave me standing there, all alone for an eternity.

I felt even worse, didn´t think it possible but I actually felt worse. To me it sounded like Master hated me, the collar was gone. I felt empty and alone. What had I done? I realised that Master had been right all along, I had exploded for absolutely no reason. Just an animated figure on a computer screen. I cried even harder. Now what was I supposed to do?

I needed help, with what I don´t know, I just knew that I seriously needed some help to get out of the situation I was in. Just as I knew I wanted my collar back, or rather needed. But as I asked Master for help he looked at me and said “With what?” I really wanted to answer but couldn´t. There wasn´t much he could do, it was all up to me.

Eventually I did calm down and we talked about what happened.

The collar stayed off for the rest of the evening, as well as the following day. I did get it back and placed around my neck on Saturday morning.


DeSade Magazine covers BDSM from the inside. It is an online magazine created and crafted by experienced BDSM practitioners for anyone who is interested in personal stories, techniques, how-to’s and everything surrounding BDSM around the world.


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