Journal Entry #4 - 10 Hours Later

It has been a stressful day. Not even half the things on my list got done today. Rushing from place to place to get things I needed, buying this and that.

Time limits and deadlines can be a nuisance, with a head full of cotton, they make your life a living hell. At least they make my life troublesome.

Everything was almost finished by the time i gave up for the day, better start a bit earlier the next day then risk messing everything up due to slow reactions and bad judgement late in the evening.

Very tired but not quite ready for bed, I sat down to spend some time in Second Life. Bad idea, very bad idea.

Can we say explosion?? I was ready to rip Masters head off and I did try!!!!

It had all started Wednesday evening with Master buying some new ballet boots for my avatar. They didn´t really fit but he promised to help me with that. As I rushed away to pick up some pizza for dinner he did make both my new outfit and new boots fit. I didn’t log on more that day so when i finally did log on it all came as a  shock. It didn´t look anything like the avatar I had left the night before!

Instead of making the boots bigger he had made my legs thinner, and not just a bit, half my bloody legs were gone! It wasn´t me any more. All the time I had spent to make my avatar look just the way I wanted it to look was wasted, all for a fucking pair of boots. I wasn´t allowed to remove the boots, nor was I allowed to make the legs thicker. I just couldn´t handle it, and it was all Masters fault. I tried to walk around for a bit but the sight made me sick. I logged off and was about to leave the room when Master told me not to. I kept yelling at him, blaming him for every little thing I could think of. I was told not to complain or whine about it, and that I wasn´t respecting the collar around my neck. I just didn´t care. He didn´t care about me or the things that belonged to me so why should I?? I was crying my eyes out and was very unhappy.

Master said I wasn´t respecting the collar and what it stood for, so he told me to get the screwdrivers so he could remove it. Just what I wanted, so I did. I fetched them, couldn´t get them fast enough. I slammed the box down into Masters hand, I didn´t even bother to kneel on the floor as he removed it. Then I kept yelling at him for a while. Master wasn´t a happy Master, it felt more like he was going to leave me standing there, all alone for an eternity.

I felt even worse, didn´t think it possible but I actually felt worse. To me it sounded like Master hated me, the collar was gone. I felt empty and alone. What had I done? I realised that Master had been right all along, I had exploded for absolutely no reason. Just an animated figure on a computer screen. I cried even harder. Now what was I supposed to do?

I needed help, with what I don´t know, I just knew that I seriously needed some help to get out of the situation I was in. Just as I knew I wanted my collar back, or rather needed. But as I asked Master for help he looked at me and said “With what?” I really wanted to answer but couldn´t. There wasn´t much he could do, it was all up to me.

Eventually I did calm down and we talked about what happened.

The collar stayed off for the rest of the evening, as well as the following day. I did get it back and placed around my neck on Saturday morning.