How do you start a post like this?? I have never written a blog post my entire life!

Perhaps i should start by introducing myself, I am Little Snowpaw or as my Master wrote yesterday “someone”.

As Master mentioned yesterday we have started a journey together and you will be able to follow us as we make our way towards the unknown.

But as our journey has just started, our separate journeys has been in motion for many years, so I´ll start by telling you about where i come from and what has happened in my life so far when it comes to BDSM. It will explain some of the obstacles we now face, some of the things that need some work and other kind of attention.   If I don´t tell you now that I have a great fear of canes and riding crops to the extent that my mind goes totally blank as soon as they come into play, then the  journey will be harder to follow.

The BDSM part of my life has its beginning about 4 years ago, quite by accident to tell the truth. It wasn’t something I was looking for. Sure, my fantasies might not have been what you in the vanilla world would call “normal” but did I reflect upon that? No, so why do something about it? I was happy where I was in my dreamworld. Until I got my first computer, and stumbled onto a website about BDSM. I started reading, then I read some more and before I knew it I had read it all and wanted more. The thought “this is what has been missing in my life” must have passed through my mind at least 30-40 times. I needed to know more, the search was on!

It didn’t take long before I moved things into the real world, just reading about it wasn’t enough, chatting with others wasn’t enough either, I had to get out there and live it. Looking back at it, I can really say that I was rushing things but it was all sooo new, sooo wonderful. I just had to have it all and all at once. Not good to rush it, not good at all. I wasn’t to careful about who I was playing with, where or even how. I did learn a lot, the hard way. At first I thought I was as many new submissive think they are, limitless. Well, almost limitless, scat and wet has always been a big no no in my book but other than that I couldn’t think of any other limits. Found some pretty fast though. I will not go into detail on my limits right now but I can say I´m no big fan of pain. I have meet so many people who believe that just because you are a submissive it automatically makes you a masochist which just isn´t true. Pain doesn’t make me happy, pain doesn’t “get me going”, it is more likely to make me very sad and unhappy.

There was this guy I met once to play with who amused himself by placing very nasty clamps with very sharp teeth (not meant for use on anyones nipples or any other part of the  body) on my nipples and then pull them off. My nipples bled and got infected. I would have safeworded had I known what a safeword was and we had talked about it before we got started. As we hadn’t I didn’t know how to end the so called session, not good. My fear of canes and crops comes from a “session” with another person who I had met online and even played with once before it all happened, it wasn’t really a session but I don’t know what else to call it. We met, he tied my hands behind my back (the rope later had to be cut off) he put a gag in my mouth and then started to beat me with a riding crop. He kept beating for 40 minutes straight before he walked out the door. Nothing I said or did made him stop, I was just lucky that the girl next door had heard that something was going on. As soon as he left she came in to see what had happened.

These experiences has left scars, deep ones. Come at me with a crop in your hand and I run, cut off my escape and you will get hurt. It isn´t something I´m proud of, it´s just the way things work.

I have tried to have Masters online, which didn´t work for me at all. I have had Masters who´d let me top from the bottom and they pretty much ignored my, sometimes very bad, behaviour. This can be rather fun in the beginning but grows tiresome after a short while. I´m being naughty in order to test where the limits are, what I can get away with and  if you don’t tell me then I´ll keep pushing and we´ll both be unhappy.  The last so called dominant I had was like that. No matter how hard I pushed I couldn’t get a response. I stopped pushing, still nothing. Looking back, I´m sorry to say that I was destroyed when he broke up with me but it was the best thing that could ever have happened. Things weren’t working out, none of us were happy but it hurt anyway. I think mostly because of the way he dumped me. He made friends with another girl online, then met her and then three days later he more or less told me I wasn’t good enough and that he had found someone else. Sure, he should have done things differently but I´m glad he did decided to break things off with me, otherwise I wouldn´t  have met the wonderful Master I have now. He fits me so perfectly it´s unbelievable.

We might be a match made in heaven, but this will be a bumpy ride, it will not be smooth sailing. We will have our ups and downs. I love this Man more than I know how to express in words but that will not stop me from screaming at him, hitting him, cursing his name and even hating him because I know, that when I return to sanity he will be there waiting for me.


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