There are a lot of guides out there telling you how to do BDSM. Flogging, hair pulling, nipple torture is just a few of the topics being covered.
But where do you start?
Should you go full speed ahead and start with a 24/7 humiliation play with a tad of objectification while calling your wife your very own cum slut for the next two years? Probably not and as always; Let things gradually progress, allow yourself and your partner get accustomed to the new things that you are trying out. I found myself to be play horny in the beginning which made me want to do more that I could handle. It made me run into a wall. This doesn’t mean that you should lose the drive to experiment, but do it with only one goal in mind; To have fun!I’ve bumped into a lot of people that compare themselves to what other couples are doing within BDSM – And you know what? It doesn’t matter at all at the end of the day what others are doing. The only one you should benchmark against is yourself. BDSM is about personal growth and individual development, it’s about finding courage and to boldly go where you have never been before – One session at a time.
BDSM is to some people very scary because it looks like abuse on the outside, but the truth is that the beauty of BDSM is on the inside of every participant. The beauty occurs inside your brain as you preform a variety of actions together with your partner. Every action creates a response, physically, chemically as well as psychologically – It creates primal reactions.
Take it slow, let your body get used to what you are doing and let your brain adjust itself to all of these wonderful feelings.
New Mexico Daily Lobo has a wonderful article on how to start with your bare hands if you want to get into BDSM; Do it in the duke city: A crack of the whip can shake up a dull sex life – Take a look at it if you don’t know how to start with BDSM in your life.
BDSM is a personal thing. There is no 'One-Size-Fits-All here, LoL. I have been doing it in it's myriad forms since I was in my late teens. I am now just past a 1/2 century. I always suggest this way: 1. Determine your 'orientation', sub, dom or does it depend on your mood (switch); 2. Visit a good site, like FetLife or Alt, take a look at the various fetishes and activities and see what resonates with you. Do you like it or does it repel you immediately? Would you rather watch the activity or participate? 3. Talk to people who have been in the 'Life' for 5+ years; network — go out to venues and see what's going on. Once you get a handle on yourself and you've found some activities that move you, start with one and proceed slowly. Experiment and see how it goes then add another fetish/activity. Soon you will have built up a variety of activities and you can grow even farther. I also tell them to keep in mind that people change and they may find that an activity or fetish no longer fascinates them. This Lifestyle is so versatile and varied that there is no way anyone will run out of things to do, people play with or places to go.
I totally agree with you – BDSM is always a personal thing, with one addition; It always has to evolve in symbiosis with other people.
You are pointing out some really good things in your comment: Gain knowledge through other people, networking is a really good thing if you want to learn. Getting to know experienced people is a good way, but it's also hard to judge if they are experienced. Just the amount of years in the lifestyle isn't enough if you, as one example, want a mentor. I always tell people to do their homeowork, check up on the other person you are taking advice from and take a look at their credentials by talking to other lifestylers that are active in the same community.
I love the fact that you are mentioning experimentation, BDSM is a journey in many ways and a journey that might change your inner core. Take it slow might be the key word, as you are pointing out, and taking it slow allows you to stop and reflect upon what you are feeling.
BDSM is all about emotions, and really strong ones once you find the holy graal of BDSM -.Yourself….