Reaching submission is hard work, even if you are an experienced submissive. Each BDSM-relationship requires a specific definition of submission as each dominant controls the journey for the submissive. At the same time is each individual submissive requires different approaches.

Reaching submission is a psychological journey in every sense, enforced by physical means, as well as psychological approaches to induce endorphins and a certain state of mind. I would actually go so far and say that BDSM is a form of meditation.

You have probably read about AllSmiles endeavours as she is doing some really hard work at the moment with the collar that she has been forced to wear and with the writing assignments that she has to do here on the blog everyday. She deserves every credit she can get as the phases she is going through are really rough – But reaching a submissive state is never easy. It is just like meditation, it’s really hard to learn and master. When you meditate you are supposed to, very simplified, empty your thoughts and think about nothing, or actually not think at all.

Do you see how hard that is? At the same moment as you try to meditate with the ambition to not think about nothing, then that ambition makes you think! Reaching submission is also hard to learn and master and very similar to meditation. Submission is about handing over the control, preferably all control, to your dominant for a certain amount of time. The conundrum is the same here as within meditation; as soon as the submissive thinks about handing over the control or is thinking about being submissive then he or she is actually taking the control. I am being really strict her for the sake of the discussion.

To me, real submission comes without a thoughtprocess, it is a state of mind in which you don’t have fight yourself and your need for control, it is something that comes automatically almost like a reflex. It doesn’t mean that you are a bimbo without a free will, it’s actually the opposite; Submission means that you are a really strong person and that you trust your dominant to such a degree that you dare to hand over the control – To put yourself in a meditative state of mind and let the dominant control your fate. The submission is also something that needs to constantly be reconfirmed and renegotiated through the BDSM context. A disobedient submissive is in a reconfirmation and renegotiation phase – And that is also a very enjoyable thing to me as it means that the relationship is alive and being handled.

This long explination leads me to the difference between giving up and giving in. Giving up is a natural consequence when your boundaries is being pushed, as a dominant I push the boundaries of control as I limit AllSmiles abilities to control – As an effect she doesn’t want to do the tasks anymore. By giving up, you regain your control – And that is a normal psychological strategy in our everyday lives; when we cannot handle and understand things, for example when we study in school and it is hard, then we sometimes revert back to our safe areas by giving up.

Submission is about giving in, rather than giving up; By giving in you accept your fate when it comes to certain aspects of your life, being and actions is contolled by your dominant and you trust him or her to handle you the way you need to be handled. Giving in is about reaching that meditative state of submission where you have no control and you don’t feel any urge to regain it either. 

AllSmiles, you have come a long way on your journey to submission, but there is still some mileage to go. You have evolved so incredibly well during this period of hardship, it is an ordeal that involves shouting, kicking and a great deal of frustration. You should also know that your Master is trying to pave the road to submission in front of you as you take your stumbling steps, one at a time. This is done with love, care and a great deal of respect in mind…

Don’t give up AllSmiles as you are about to give in…


DeSade Magazine covers BDSM from the inside. It is an online magazine created and crafted by experienced BDSM practitioners for anyone who is interested in personal stories, techniques, how-to’s and everything surrounding BDSM around the world.


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