Journal Post #8 - Long Time No Play

It feels like it´s been ages since we had a session of any sort, but that not really true; we did have one a week ago.

It was the first play for quite a while. Holidays, work and different diseases has kept all kinds of play at a distance. Me, being who I am, get really lazy when things don´t happen on a regular basis.

Therefore, when Master all of a sudden (or perhaps not so suddenly) got into a very dominant mode, I didn´t really keep up with him. Why would I, he can´t boss me around like that, I can take care of myself!

Not feeling submissive at all, I didn´t see why I had to submit. Sure I wanted sex, but not submit… Couldn´t we just have fun and some hot sex?? But no!

Oops, I´m not allowed to use the word no. Shhhh, you didn´t see me use it, ok??

I know I´m not allowed to use it, but I really wanted to see how far I could go before I actually had to back down. Too bad I got further than I wanted to, and missed out on the sex I wanted so bad. I was not a happy bunny. I did get to play around with our Magic Wand for a bit and did get a very lovely orgasm, but it wasn´t the same. Know what I mean?  When I was getting out of bed to get started with all the things that had to get done that Sunday I thought I heard Master muttering something about bringing out his electroplay kit for some air, but I didn´t think much of it.

I should have paid better attention, and not trying to push things quite as far as I had, cause the electroplay kit did come out of its box later in the evening.

We have used it before, but mainly on my back when I have had a terrible ache. The attachments for insertions have never been used, at least not on/in me. So I was a bit scared, more than a bit to be honest. Master’s evil laughter didn´t help to calm my nerves. I tried very hard to come up with an excuse to leave the room but my mind was completely blank. Not good.

I usually able find excuses anywhere, anytime but not right when I felt I really needed one. What had I done to deserve this?

The more I wanted to leave, the more Master laughed.

I was told to undress, I did, even though it took a very long time to remove all the layers of clothing. I did stop once or twice but a harsh voice firmly told me to keep going. When I was as naked as the day I was born I was told to stand on all four on the bed. I dove down on the bed and stuck my head under a pillow. I did not remove my head from under it until the session was over.

Not knowing what was going on, not knowing how much pain there was going to be almost had me panicing. My entire body was just waiting for the pain to come. It didn´t. Master spanking my butt did hurt a bit but that was the only pain.

I hate not knowing what is going on, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Everytime I heard or felt Master move behind me, both my body and my mind got ready for the pain I was so sure was coming. It was impossible to relax, even through the parts that were enjoyable and even pleasurable.It was all a horrible mix of emotions. I started to cry, and I didn´t stop for what seemed like hours. I suppose I hit some form of subspace, but nothing like I´ve ever felt before. It wasn´t as “deep” or whatever you want to call it as it has been on other occasions. It was rather frightening. Talking was near impossible. I´m not sure where I went, but I am in no hurry to get back to that place again.

What I would like though, is another try. Will the same thing happen? Or will it be completely different? I don´t really have any reason to be scared next time, I know it wont hurt. So it has to be better next time, right?