Urge is a funny thing sometimes.

I’ve had a bad virus for about 4 weeks now that is making me cough until I almost faint. Not a very enjoyable thing in the end and it has made me go out of sync. I can honestly say that I don’t feel very Dominant when I’m am dabbling with inhalators trying to gasp for air. Or it is more like I won’t dominate Little at the moment because I wouldn’t be able to give her what she need, I wouldn’t be able to give her what I want to give her in terms of Dominance.

To Dominate Little requires a lot of my energy because it is usually so intense, an intensity that I enjoy and find a lot of pleasure in. On the other hand; Little has been fighting her own demons too, something that I feel has used up a lot of her energy as well. This is what I would call the cruel reality of BDSM – Sometimes your energy that you would use to submit or to Dominate has to be put in other places like your health or fighting off your demons.This makes you go out of sync with your urge, the urge or the will to Dominate someone. I really want to go into a Dominant mode because I feel that she needs it and I do certainly need it as it is such an integral part of who I am. This hasn’t been possible and it has made me frustrated. When the mind is willing but the strength isn’t there then it is just frustrating. There have been occasions when I have tried to ignite a little spark, but then Little hasn’t been all there due to her battles.

I’ve realised a long time ago that BDSM is all about balance, I need to be in balance to be good at what I do, Little needs to be in balance to be good at what she does, but sometimes the urge and the eagerness take over and the need for balance is forgotten and this just adds to the frustration. When I reach this point I always have to remind myself to take one step back and take a deep breath and pause.

Let the urge fade out, relax and listen to the silence – Concentrate the energy to where it is needed. I need to regain my physical strength, I need to recuperate.


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