Contextualizing is important, it’s a way to understand and relate to what you actually experienced. Little is in the middle of it right now and hasn’t really landed yet from my perspective.

Let me do a chronological recap first as this post jacks into the two prior posts that Little has written during the past week.

Little had a couple of days of from work and I decided to put the collar on her to carry out some training that extended across the weekend. I put the collar on her during the evening, she slept with and woke up with it.

As Little sometimes seems to forget that she is actually wearing the collar and some behavioural protocols are in place when she does, I found the morning to be a good opportunity to apply some attention training. To me it is very arousing when someone puts all of their attention into pleasing their Dominant, no matter if it is a massage or playing with the genitals of the Dominant so told her to put all her attention into playing with my cock.

She started rubbing it and just to make sure that she had her attention in the right place I repeated the task at certain intervals.“Keep your attention on the cock”

“Stay focused”

I also did this to continuously monitor where she were mentally – And of course, it increases the stress level a little bit as you have to process more while trying to keep the attention. In other words; I created a challenge as well. Little did very well, but as I repeated the commands she started to get stressed. This is something I usually find necessary if I’m going to be able to push her over into subspace. I also find it necessary that I stay focused on the task and doesn’t create a situation where it seems like I am losing my my patience with her, so I stayed with my original plan and kept those reminders coming.

“That’s good, keep your attention on the task”

She started to cry due to the stress and the overload that was starting to take place. I kept repeating my words with a calm voice making sure that nothing that would be interpreted as aggression came out, but still keeping it strict.

Little fulfilled her task with emotional difficulty and as we tried to pick things up as a part of the aftercare I asked her what went wrong. Her only reply was:

“As you kept repeating my task I felt like I was failing because I couldn’t stay focused”

This was of course not my intention with the attention training, but it made me realize that I had stumbled across something. Her will to be good at what she was doing was taking over the ability to surrender her control, it sounds at bit ambiguous and it is. To always have the ambition to be the best at what you are doing is a way of trying to control the situations that are thrown at you, no matter if it is within BDSM or your everyday life. There is of course nothing wrong with it – But it can definitely create an obstacle when you are actually supposed to hand over the control to someone else.

And in the end BDSM, to me, is about removing these obstacles.

Little was ordered to write a journal entry straight after her experience to speed up the processing a bit and that’s when she wrote Journal Entry #3 – The Success of Failure.

Losing control can be very hard to some people as your whole being works against it, being in control, being able to affect things and events around us is a key part of our survival instincts. When I am, as a Dominant, inside the head of Little and fiddle with this then I create strong responses. Sometimes they come out straight away and at other times it can take days before the response occurs.

I noticed that Little was in a state of psychological numbness when she was writing so I was just waiting for her response to show up later.

A few hours later it did and she exploded, as she describes in her post Journal Entry #4 – 10 Hours Later.

Exploding is totally fine when you do BDSM, it’s a natural part of it, but my personal opinion is that it has to be a contained to some extent and that the exploding shouldn’t be used by the submissive herself to subconsciously create an anxiety or panic attack. The reason why I have this opinion is that I feel that the submissive is trying to deal with the aftercare herself by doing so.

Exploding can also be used as subconscious tactic to regain control and if that is the case then it is counterproductive to what you are actually trying to achieve; To lose control.

I’m also very strict about exploding when you are wearing a collar because as long as you are wearing it, then you are still in your BDSM persona and along with that comes an expected behaviour according to the established protocols. Of course, emotions cannot be stopped and shouldn’t be either. But Little tends to subconsciously forget a lot of times that she is wearing the collar and that is her mind trying to regain the control I am working on taking away from her.

So as she was exploding and going further with it without any containment then I reminded her that she was as a matter of fact not respecting the collar. By doing so I challenged her subconscious attempt to regain control even more and I removed the collar to emphasize that wearing it comes a responsibility to carry yourself in a certain way.

Usually when I do this then she explodes even more, but this time was different. She exploded and ran out of the room for a while but came back after a short period of time, sat down on her knees and asked for forgiveness. What actually happen was that she submitted and she realised that she had no control in the situation which made her reach a submissive state of mind. She became relaxed in her mind and the posture of her body reflected this as well.

Taking away the control from someone isn’t easy, it requires a lot of work on both sides. Little is feeling at times that she is failing, but I would say that she is succeeding and it is just the feeling of losing control that is making her feel uncomfortable. Imagine yourself that the feeling of control is something central to your way of being, then having it taken away – No wonder that you are feeling like your head is taken for a spin.

What I am doing at the moment is training Little to stay in a submissive state of mind for longer periods of time, I’m gradually trying to build up her confidence when it comes to losing control as I’m pushing the demon away that is trying to regain her control.

This is  done with both pleasure and pain – And what could be more pleasurable than having your mind focused on your Master’s cock?


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