My image of myself is quite down to earth, I think. But then again – Who you are is also being defined from how other people perceive you. Their perception is being thrown back at you and it makes you think about yourself in a different ways.
Usually it is a good thing, but now and then it becomes a painful process, especially when there is a big gap between your image of yourself and how other perceives you. To conclude it all – To some people you are what you do, your being is defined by your actions.
Fair enough – But let’s throw some lack of knowledge into the picture and you, all of a sudden, get prejudgemental behaviour.
I get that occasional person in Second Life that usually reads my profile and then all hell breaks loose. I’ve been called an abuser, woman beater among other things – Basically I am a mean to the bone, a no good person. The assumption is based on their perception of my label: Master, dominant equals a mean person. And all of this happens within the domains of a computer generated virtual environment.
My response to that is two simple words: Get real!
A person that claims that a dominant in Second Life, is an abuser in Real Life, that person has a train of thoughts that have derailed somewhere along the way.
But yet again, to some people you are what you do. Does that statement work in all cases? No it doesn’t – It is more complex than that. You are not always what you do, and I am certainly not mean just because I am into BDSM or being a dominant. BDSM people are scene and fantasy oriented. Keyword here is fantasy. Most people can differ between a fantasy and something that is happening for real.
Some of you might at this instant think “Yeah, but if you feel strongly about a fantasy then you might go out and do in reality”. That is of course a valid statement – But yet again: Get Real! If that statement held some kind of general truth, then everyone in this world playing Counter-strike would be a potential killer. Some probably are, based on statistical probability – But they would probably be potential killers without Counter-strike as well.
I am never an abuser just because I’m living out a fantasy, in consent, together with other people that want to share the same fantasy. The only abuser in this scenario is the person that is trying to make me into a person that cannot see the difference between reality and a fantasy. The real abusers are the people that want to put a label on me based on their own narrow references and through moral domination.
And to even claim that you know what I am like in reality just because you see the word BDSM in my profile – That is just hilarious.
I am into BDSM, both in Second Life and in Real Life and I make no excuses about it. I am what I am, but you will never know what I am like, just because you see four characters hovering around my personality: BDSM. If you think you can judge me and call me an abuser just because you see these four characters – Then I have something for you. I have a message, loud and clear, that I want you to read a couple of times:
Get your derailed train of thoughts back on track and get fucking real!
if one asks a child over oh say the age of 3 or 4 if what they play in make-believe is real, they will look at you as if you are stupid, and say, “it’s make believe!” Oddly enough, adults *usually* also have this ability. On Halloween i may dress as an Undead. i don’t try to move into the local cemetary.
now, sexual play and roles are a bit more complex. There ARE some real and deep needs, desires etc. involved… and the play can last beyond an attention deficit, sound bite stereotyping others may want to impose. do i want to be played with, vigorously? yes. do i want to be abused or harmed? no. do i want to harm Dominaents by letting them, by poor negotiation or communication, actually harm me? no. do they really want to harm me? …not the ones i choose to play with, even if i get some bruises, welts, etc.
i wonder about the maturity and the mental health of those who insist Dominents are abusers. 🙂 Because all they needed to learn about play they did NOT get in kindegarten…
I abhor the idea that people have the perception that a Dominant is an abusive person and only out to harm their sub in anyway they can.
My Master is strict yes, but he is also the nicest, kindest, caring and understanding person i know. He is my best friend as well as My Master. He would never intentionally hurt me physically or mentally. I trust him with my whole being and heart.
Before people can make a sweeping comment they need to hang around us, see us interact together as Master & Sub and try to understand before making a off the cuff comment on our relationship.
If you don’t understand what we do or are about just ask us we happy to converse with you, but please try to come with an open mind 🙂
Don’t know what to say. At first it looked good but now I’m very disappointed in this kind of information
Well, Margomar – Maybe you could elaborate a little bit what you mean?
I don’t know why you are disappointed as you are not very specific. But on the other hand, my post wasn’t written in order to please everyone.
I think many people also assume that submissives are weak and want to be seriously hurt. That isn't the case in the least, but many do not understand the path we are choosing to follow. As a sub, I have to be stronger than most woman, and my Master delights not only in my strength, but also the beauty of my letting myself go, and entrusting myself to him for his complete pleasure.
I stumbled across this blog as I was researching chem notes oddly enough and I’m glad I did. This article put some issues I had to light and I agree with what you said.
My problems stem from my upbringing in a Baptist environment and the misinterpreting of pieces I write. I am “counselled” that there are “demons” inside me and the need or want to live out my fantasies is a sign I am damned to burn in hell.
The funniest thing about it the phrase that always finds its way into my couselling sessions were ” I’m constantly lying to those around by “acting” like a genuine, trustworthy person and I will rot because I allowed others to become dependant on my stability and strength. As you said and I wish they could understand, Because I express these fantasies and live them out does not mean I’m mean and psychopathic….
I read your comment with great interest – The things you describe are experiences shared by a lot of people. Ignorance towards a sexuality which are considered to be outside of the "norm" is still present among us.
You are a perfectly healthy person, consensual acts that provides both pleasure and personal development are just healthy, people that tell you that you are possessed by demons and that you are not worthy of being called normal – Those people are the ones not being healthy for you.
When people question your sexuality and tell you that you are not normal then ask them two questions:
1) What is normal?
2) Who defines what is normal?
Sir, if this one may, after years of psychological counseling, it finally realized that its doctor was trying to cure me of my kink. It had taken me so long just to find a gay therapist, now it must find a Kink Aware/friendly one! It is NOT an option! This is life and death stuff for real. It can not stress the importance of this one necessary step.
May it also, perhaps more to the point of Your blog, say that it clearly sets a difference in mind between getting “hurt” – pain, and being “Harmed” – damaged! it craves the special sexual pain that is part of its power exchange. Yet it does wish to avoid damage to body or mind. it finds, for example the welts left from a healing flogging essential to centering itself, especially in times of depression. On the other hand neither Master nor slave could continue serving/ being served if slave had a broken arm. Granted these might appear extreme examples to some, it is written in the hopes that it might clarify a description of our mindset.
Sir, Thank You Sir