Dear worried Dominant

Do you feel uncomfortable when you do things to your submissive?

Don’t worry, it’s normal because you are taught not to do certain things. You don’t usually torment other people and you don’t usually go around and whip people until they are in a lucid state. The things that you will gradually encounter can make you feel a guilt or give you a bad conscience.

It is normal to feel guilt, but I would rather call it ” The fear of bringing the inner monster out into the open”. It is a natural reaction because you are breaking so many norms and it’s almost a religious sin to torment someone while enjoying it – You do not want to expose someone to real psychological or physical abuse.

The other side of the coin is; What if you like bringing out your inner monster to such an extent that you can’t stop or even control it?

Don’t worry.

What saves you, and me too, is the consent. All the preparations and communication with your submissive are important elements that will help you get your head around the things that you do as a Dominant. It all adds up to the fact that your submissive will enjoy being dominated by you and that is what distinguishes what we do from real abuse.

If your submissive can live with you and be exposed to your actions willingly, then I’m convinced that you can live with yourself as well.

Don’t be afraid of becoming a monster because the things you do to your submissive are done together with your submissive, it’s wished and longed for. Your Dominance exists together with the submission that you are given and that will make the journey controllable and your inner monster will not be set free to run rampage during a session because your submissive will not let that happen.

Your inner monster is tamed as long as you tune into your submissive and work from the responses you are given. When you enter the right state of mind, then you will be able to feel every breath that your submissive takes, you will feel every muscle in your submissive’s body – You will be in total control of every move and reaction.

All these things is what differs you from a real monster, because a real monster is never in control.

As an aspiring Dominant, don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t know everything.It’s a very good trait to admit that you have limitations to what you will and can do. You will meet more of them and different ones, but they will also change or even disappear as you go along. As a Dominant you need to apply full transparency, which means a complete and unconditional honesty about who you are and how your work.

As a Dominant you will always meet yourself through your submissive.

It is your task to lead the submissive in the total honesty that is necessary for a good relationship. It’s you who must radiate safety and security. This is of course not easy because most of us are not confident in everything we do, especially not the first time you do something, believe me, I’ve been there. But you can prepare a lot  through conversations with your submissive, other Dominants and reading up on things. Good preparations will raise your confidence.

So start doing things together with your submissive, be the best you can be.

Take it slow and enjoy every moment of it.

Yours Sincerely

Stoltz Sinatra


DeSade Magazine covers BDSM from the inside. It is an online magazine created and crafted by experienced BDSM practitioners for anyone who is interested in personal stories, techniques, how-to’s and everything surrounding BDSM around the world.


Say hello, your praise or ask a simple question. We want to communicate with you.