I occasionally get involved in discussions where the argument is based on on the opinion that most Dominants are dangerous because the control they get is something that will make them abuse the submissive. My experience is that this type of discussion and argument is often fueled by submissive insecurities and submissives that have just recently started their journey.

So I made the decision to write a letter to the general “afraid and insecure” submissive.

Dear afraid submissive…

I have had submissives that have handed over all, with emphasis on the all, the control – Then I’ve put a limit on things, because I do not like the micro management in general. This transfer of control has always been based on mutual respect and I, for one, respect the submissive position tremendously; To sum it all up, the submissive has been without any powers besides the ones I’ve allowed.

This is the situation where things usually get overinterpreted when people “interpret” the dominant position. Total control doesn’t mean that I will automatically exploit the situation. I will not order the submissive to commit crimes – Why would I want to do that?

The fact that I have complete control doesn’t mean that I will verbally abuse the submissive in every discussion and pull out the “I am the Dominant, obey”-card. In a Total Power Exchange relationship I will always have the right to hand in my veto, which overrides everything else and when I use my veto, then I will do so with a motivation to why I object, and my argument will never been based on “because it is me who is in power”.

Why would I, as a Dominant, abuse a person whose position I appreciate and that is necessary to me? It would be highly inappropriate as a Dominant to abuse a submissive, because it would just create a miserable submissive and that would make me miserable in the end.

As Dominant I seek reactions – Sex is of course nice, but it’s emotional reactions I thrive on and this is what puts me in Domspace. It is the reactions to what I do, that turns me on and I use these reactions and mold them into something that I use in my reaction as a response to the submissive – I “connect” to the the reactions from the submissive and find an incredibly powerful energy in them.

This also relates to flogging.

Flogging is not just about  pain, I want get reactions and flogging, as well as other things, are just tools in this process.

Some argue that safewords are something that will tell you that the submissive have all the power in the end, because the safeword is the thing that will stop the ongoing play. I don’t agree because the safeword is contextualised to a specific situation and a specific flow and it doesn’t control everything that goes into the relationship between the Dominant and the submissive.

The true power, that lies in the relationship itself, will always be divided between everyone involved and is also created by everyone involved.

And giving up your control, as a submissive, will empower you in the end as it will allow you to tap into the power that will flow between you and your Dominant.

Be well and face your fears with pride – Because by facing them, you will face yourself.