I’ve attended a few parties now and then and more frequent during the last two months. The main reason for me attending a few more parties lately is that they are becoming more frequent in my area, which is a necessity unless you want the hassle with long travels.
I’m gonna sum up my impressions from “being in the field” together with other kinksters.
Socialise – Parties are a great way to socialise together with people that have the same kinky interests as you have. The spirit at most parties is open and accepting, anything goes as long as its done with respect and consent. By expanding your kinky network of people, you also expand your possibilities of gaining new knowledge based on other peoples experiences. You also increase the possibility of meeting a potential play partner that. A public test session with a potential partner anyone?
Observe – Parties are a great opportunity to observe other Dominants or submissives express themselves. Be aware of the occasional “show-dominant”, who is a person that does flogging, domination etc. to show their skills. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not always what BDSM is about. I enjoy myself to have people looking at what I am doing, but I never let the “show” become more important that the well-being of my submissive.
Patience – Parties can test or develop your patience if there is a shortage of playrooms. People, who are impatient and eager to get their own sessions going, tend to not follow the established rules. It’s quite annoying to have some one walk up to you and start asking if they can use the other tools in the room, while you are flogging someone! Rules at parties are usually: Don’t walk up and start talking to someone who is playing unless you are invited. Don’t walk into a playroom if it is occupied and the door/curtain is closed.
Inspiring – Parties are to me a great source of inspiration as you see people do all sorts of things. Of course, it takes some courage to play “in public” at a party, but once you have gone past the first waves of shyness, then it is mostly all fun. People also put an effort into their outfits as they are a part of their personal expression and just that part is giving me a lot. Not that it is a catwalk, but to get a glimpse into other people’s imagination.
Drugs – Drugs and BDSM don’t go together and that is something I am a very strong advocate of. If you need drugs to enhance your BDSM experience, then I would say you have issues. Even Alcohol and BDSM don’t mix in my opinion as it mess up your judgement, both on the Dominant side as well as on the submissive side. Stay away from it while playing – Don’t drink and spank. Most parties sell alcohol, stay away from it even if you have played. How will you be able to carry out aftercare for your submissive if you are drunk?
If you get the chance – Grab hold of your partner or a bunch of friends and join your next local BDSM party, I am sure it will be rewarding.
I would like to add these few pointers – One, If your job or social standing is sensitive to the issue of someone being involved in what they would consider to be “perverted or immoral sex acts”, I would choose a party or dungeon outside of their normal sphere of influence. In other words, go where they are not. Once you do this, remember that if you do run into someone you know there, that you are secure in the knowledge that you have as much on them as they do on you and they should not present any kind of threat to your being there. Same goes for passer-bys if the location is isolated enough from where they would normally go – you have the defense to ask them: why were you in that neighborhood and at that time of day? Unless they are stalkers they have no business being near there unless they were also going to go there to play.
Two, Don’t Drink and Dom. A very good rule although sometimes using alcohol on or in the sub in play is okay if you fully understand what you are doing and are going to take responsibility for what happens.
With Love in the BDSM Life, -LordSir Ninetails