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i agree strongly its due to unresolved trauma, if people are happy to live that way that should be respected but if people want to 'recover' they should be given help to do so.
I strongly disagree with you for a couple of reasons.
1. The assumption that a sexual orientation towards BDSM is usually based on argument that sexual orientations outside the norm must be a result of a trauma, how could people otherwise engage in such strange activities?
This argument is a flawed one, because you never ask the same question to a person being heterosexual. The argument is a mix between religious components, psychology and our natural fear of anything that is different, i.e outside the norm.
2. There is no scientific proof that can exactly pinpoint how past experiences affect our sexual orientation and people that claim there is are buying into the illusion that "bad" (outside the norm) can be unlearnt.
3. I actually find it quite dangerous when people claim with certainty that a sexual orientation is the result of an unresolved trauma as it just leads to stigmatization of people that already have a hard time to accept who they are because others are telling them that they are not normal or what they are can be "fixed" through therapy or other treatments.
Just another example of how a lot of people use "norms" to oppress others that don't fit their description of what normal is.
We have seen it being done to people that are gay, wheh religious groups claim that homosexuality can be fixed.
I wonder when there will be a fix against stupidity and prejudgemental behaviour, why isn't religious groups and norm mongers trying to find a solution for their own narrow thinking?
Why do you consider BDSM a sexual orientation?
It also sounds like you have some religion hangups. Nowhere did the previous commenter mention their religious views at all.
There are a lot of straight couples who enjoy BDSM in the confines of marriage.
For some folks i think it is, but for others it is not. Like some many things that we humans do, there is not a simple 'straight line' answer.
No of course not what a stupid question is this. BDSM is absolutely a religion and a result of love. It’s a realistic lifestyle as well what deserves more respect from conservative society. Jeroen
All activities that are carried out in the context of BDSM should be based on love. This is said with caution as it isn’t always the case – Just because something is carried out under the flag of BDSM doesn’t mean that there is a guarantee for love being involved.
BDSM practitioners deserves more respect, but it’s s two way street; We need to be more open about what we do in order to gain that respect we are seeking. We also need to be open about the fact that there are crackpots within the BDSM community as well, we are just like any other subculture – A mix of different people and with that includes rotten apples too.
We sometimes use the “conservative society” as an excuse to unify our own community against everyone else on the “outside” who doesn’t understand what we are doing. I have a strong opinion on this one; Nothing good comes out of that kind of excuse, it only creates barriers between people and prevents any kind of mutual understanding.
BDSM isn’t a religion to me, because that perspective is dangerous. A religion is often practiced by people that never question the religion itself or the dogmatic rules that it stipulates. Being a Dominant or a submissive is a part of your sexuality, i.e not always a personal choice. Every practice within BDSM should always be questioned or scrutinized in different ways, this is how we learn about ourselves and develop safe but engaging practices.
A religion doesn’t allow this kind of critical review and that is why BDSM shouldn’t be seen as a religion in itself even if we play with a lot of ritualized behaviors.How we perceive and communicate BDSM to others are affected by our own choice of words.
Practicing a religion is a choice. What Dom you choose is a choice. In one you are provided the limits, in the other, you provide the limits. Still, in both, you choose whether or not to accept the contract.
What a load of rubbish, you’re insinuating that someone who is, gay, bi trans etc was traumatised as a child, nonsense!
Do heterosexuals choose to be straight? I don’t think so, it’s part of their DNA make up.
BDSM, Swinging and any other lifestyle is a choice, we choose to do these things because we enjoy them not because we have to.
@FreeSwingingUK If you have read my blog then you would know that I’m actually advocating that BDSM etc isn’t a result of a trauma.
On the other hand, your argument is quite interesting and not consistent. First you claim that a sexuality is a part of the human DNA, with a reference gay, bi, trans and then heterosexuals.
Then you mix BDSM and swinging into the mix claiming that we do those things by choice and from enjoyment.
This is were your statement becomes flawed, because something that is a part of someones DNA and affects our sexuality is in a sense “forcing” us into what we are in terms of sexual preferences. One could also argue that the social heritage also affects what we become as adults, even when it comes to our sexuality
The science hasn’t delivered any obvious conclusion when it comes to this matter.
The other flaw in your argumentation is that you mix sexual practices and sexuality into one mix. One could argue that BDSM is just an umbrella term for a bundle of sexual practices with power exchange as a foundation, while being a Dominant or a submissive is more on the sexuality side of the spectrum – Just as gay, bi, trans, and heterosexual is.
I do not believe that BDSM is the result of trauma. I have always seen it as a way to explore and push boundaries in a safe way. I think that having an experience in this sort of lifestyle takes a special sort trust and love that can definitely enhance a relationship.