It’s been a couple of hectic weeks back here in Sweden and one reason is that I’m basically outing myself on a national scale. My first thought around this a while ago was that if I’m going to out myself, why not do it in a big way?

I got filmed by a TV-crew a couple of weeks ago doing a documentary about BDSM. I got the opportunity to talk about different things that I feel strongly about within the realm of BDSM, things that I practice and care about.

Some of you might get startled by the very idea to show yourself on a national TV-show about BDSM, and in all honesty; I am as well.

The decision to out myself this way was a very conscious one which involved a lot of discussions with people around me that I love and care for. We talked about the pros and cons as well as potential risks of being socially stigmatised, which is something that might happen because people might have a very skewed view of BDSM. There is always the risk of my kids getting bullied or that I might get harassed by people who might think that I am insane; that’s the reality of things even if the climate in Sweden is quite open when it comes to diverting sexualities.

One thing that happened connected to my outing was quite strange, but I suspected that it would happen sooner or later. I got my fair share of criticism from the kink community because people within the community thought that I was outing them as well by showing my face on TV and the reasoning behind this was guilt by association, They were arguing that if  vanilla people knew that they were friends with me, or my other kinkfriends, that appeared documentary, then they would be revealed as kinksters themselves. Maybe a valid argument to some people, but not to me.

What I decide to do with my sexuality is up to me, judging the risks is always up to me and I can’t hide my sexuality based on some notion that some of my kinky friends feel that they will get revealed themselves by my decision. I’ve outed myself before and it went down very well when I decided to tell my close friends that I were into BDSM, so in most cases it’s not a big deal – Some people just shrug their shoulders when you tell them, others get curious.

I’ve thought a lot about my fear of telling people about my sexuality and I think it has to do with the fact that once the cat is out of the bag then I can’t control things and how people will react. The unknown scares the shit out of most of us and I am definitely in unknown waters now. But I also feel that it is necessary for me to do this because how can I get accepted if I’m not true to myself and honest towards other people? How can I expect people to accept BDSM as a part of the human sexuality landscape if I don’t show myself and represent a part of my life that is affecting my relationships and people that I’m attracted to?

How can I expect things to change if I don’t try to make people understand?

This is an important part of my pathos; Change through dialogue and understanding; I am an activist in my soul and the idealism is close to my heart, even if reality gives me a slap in the face now and then.

Things are about to change because I’ve decided to take a course of actions that goes straight through these unknown waters.

What I don’t know yet is if things will change for the better or for the worse, that something that is yet to be seen.


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