Better late than never, Kandinsky Beaumont

Things have been busy here, so it has taken me a while to do a response to Kandinsky’s latest response to my post – but finally here it is

When explaining how, what Kandinsky continuously calls “Master and Slave games”, are sometimes done, then I can only explain how I think and work. Not everyone would choose to call it “Master and slave games” either. Far from every submissive within BDSM calls themselves “slaves” for a lot of reasons. One is that there are differences in the levels of submission that a submissive applies, dependant on what they choose to be. Keyword here again: The submissive chooses the level of submission.

Kandinsky also comments on my argument that I actually care for and love the person I play with; she thinks it is a way for me to justify the master and slave relationship. Why would love and care be such a bad reason for BDSM? Does it make the whole concept confusing, that I whip someone that I love? I am in fact doing what someone else wants me to do, I am not whipping the other person because it is just enjoyable to me – My biggest turn on is actually to see the other person enjoy what I am doing. I am participating in helping another person to fulfill their fantasies and play urges, as much as the other person is fulfilling mine. And to me, love and care have to exist in order for me to do that – Especially when it comes to something that is well known with in BDSM as the aftercare.

The term whipping can as well be over interpreted – It doesn’t mean that blood is drawn and people are whipped unconscious. Whipping can be done in so many ways and it differs between every Dom/Sub when it come to what they want and need.

Kandinsky writes that what annoys her the most is the fact that BDSM has been made into such a large culture, that it has turned into a world of its own within Second Life. Well, that probably shows that more people are interested in it than one would think. BDSM is a subculture that has existed for a long time. The other thing is mentioned in her own critique – Isn’t Second Life supposed to be a place where we create a world of our own? This is a phenomena you can see everywhere in society, subgroups start their own subculture, Rastafarian’s, punk rockers etc. All of these create a culture of their own that they want to express in one way or the other to show what they belong to. And with that expression comes the critique from the other side of the fence, where we have people that for some reason want to turn everything into a monoculture. I have heard some of the stereotypes before “Rastafarian’s always smoke pot” or “Punk Rockers are always drunk or unemployed”. Why isn’t BDSM allowed to have its place in the public cultural space and who is to judge what is right or wrong?

I have seen the same stereotypes being applied to BDSM and I see some of them in your posts as well Kandinsky; People into BDSM are more accepting of trafficking and in your latest post you protest against a world where the only purpose is to enjoy physical or psychological pain. Let me correct things here for the sake of the discussion; Not everyone into BDSM are into pain. The thing that is common among people into BDSM is that they want to reach a natural high. Pain can be one way to reach it for some people, but to some people it’s more about physical stimulation with a flogger and that doesn’t have to necessarily involve any pain. If you would have seen a real BDSM scene, Kandinsky, then you would have probably noticed this.

Kandinsky is also calling me equally prejudgemental as she is. The reason for this is that I claim that there is no scientific proof regarding her statement that people into BDSM are more accepting towards trafficking. I will on the other hand present a bundle of reports claiming that BDSM is not as bad to someone’s mental health as people tend to think.

I would advise everyone to take a look at Revisef65 which actually holds a list of scientific reports that claims the opposite. I let these words speak for themselves:

“Indeed, if anything, our findings suggested that members of the BDSM community are less likely than others to present with major disorders” Connolly et al (2003).

There is research also looking into whether BDSM Internet sites are a breeding ground for violence. This research is still at its infancy as it has recently been initiated and presented as a paper at the annual meeting of the American Society of Criminology in February 2009. A quote from this paper is “The participants, like many other human practices , encompass the full spectrum of economics, religion, or culture“. This means that it’s really hard to judge whether people into BDSM are more predisposed as there are other fuzzy variables into the mix. Keep in mind that this mentioned research is looking into the websites, not the people into BDSM. The BDSM community is continuously having a discussion on how to judge if a person is really into BDSM or being a poser – And BDSM sites attracts people that are looking for real victims. Here is a very important distinction to be made; people into BDSM are NEVER looking for a real victim. Predators disguise themselves and pretend to be someone else compared to what they really are – They are NOT into BDSM, they usually use the sites for hunting grounds. Just like one can find pedophiles working as teachers. Does this mean that every teacher is more accepting to pedophiles and the acts that these hideous persons commit? No, it doesn’t have any relation at all and doesn’t correspond to any real life facts.

So I would say that I am not prejudgemental as my argumentation is based on scientific reports – But Kandinsky is still prejudgemental, as her statement doesn’t correspond to any real life facts. This leads me back to what my original post was about ; asserting something making it sound like facts is dangerous, knowledge is the best foundation for a good discussion, not assumptions and stereotypes.

The things that feeds trafficking are poverty, drug abuse and the flow of money, not people into BDSM.

Attack those first and then we will see what will happen to the trafficking itself. When those problems have been solved then we can have a discussion again whether BDSM makes people more accepting towards trafficking.