A while ago Master Stoltz asked me a question – what does true submission mean to you?

It is a concept at the core of the BDSM community as it is asking for a definition of the essence of submission. It’s tricky and complex as it’s something that is abstract and specific to each submissive.  I must admit I was a little lost for words. But the emotions the question invoked brought to the front of my mind the image of a rose garden. Please bear with me while I explain this, dear reader, as I promise I have not lost my mind.

When a gardener wants a rose garden then he plants a seed. At first it grows quite well on its own growing into a bush. It is then that rose buds begin to show that care and attention is necessary.  Then, if the bud is given enough light, water and attention it blossoms into a beautiful rose. If the supply of water light and attention is kept, then more roses appear.  Of course, in a D/s relationship it’s true submission that  you are trying to achieve instead of a rose garden. Throughout the D/s relationship the Dominant will shape the submissive through attention, communication, honesty and trust until they blossom in their full submissive potential.

A lot of people, both in RL and SL, do not share my view. They see a D/s relationship as game that is confined to the bedroom. That’s fine if it works for them. My first D/s relationship at 17 was like this. My boyfriend had a pair of handcuffs he wanted to try.  After long conversations I said I would give it a go. I was surprised buy how much I enjoyed not having the use of my hand during sex. Looking back I think he loved it because he was a control freak and the cuffs kept me still.  But it pecked my curiosity and I wanted to try some other things. So I looked around on the internet and came to my boyfriend with some new ideas. At first he was fine and we found things that we both enjoyed such as Role playing, anal penetration, cock worship, rough sex.  Then we came to a halt as I wanted to try some more extreme stuff such as knife play. I also wanted to go out to a club and meet other people into the same things. He didn’t want to get involved with the ‘sex friends’.  The relationship ended shortly after, because I only allowed to slip into the role of a sub when my boyfriend was horney.

I was no longer enjoying it.

If we go back to the analogy of the rose garden, at this point I was a bush.

I had gone as far as I could on my own and I knew that if I really wanted to be truly submissive I had to find a Dom that was able to help and guide me. To find this I retreated into the internet BDSM community. On the internet I found the other half of what I was looking for in a relationship. By communicating with other doms via web cam or voice chat I was able to find the support that had been lacking in the previous relationship. They listened to me and took my likes and dislikes into consideration. The problem I had with the internet was a lack of honesty. I would be open from day one only to find out a few months later that they had other commitments such as a wife and/or kids. I actually had to give up looking before I met my current RL Master.

I had just moved and there was a fair in town. Master offered, as a friend, to show me around. At the time I did not know but from that first meeting he became my gardener. Over the four year we’ve been together I have grown tremendously. But like the perfect rose, true submission takes time to achieve. Master and I hit a wall and I again looked around me for inspiration. This time I found it in a series of books, Gor the counter earth. I like how the writer portrayed the slaves and my Master trusted me enough to roam around the internet and virtually serve again other Master so that I could continue to grow.

For a year I lived in the text based realms of Gor chat rooms, but I found it to be a very clicky society full of drama. So I turned to Second life and the Island of pain.

In conclusion, dear readers, just as every rose garden is different so is every submissive. They will all have their own inner beauty but I believe that, in our own way, each submissive seeks true submission.


DeSade Magazine covers BDSM from the inside. It is an online magazine created and crafted by experienced BDSM practitioners for anyone who is interested in personal stories, techniques, how-to’s and everything surrounding BDSM around the world.


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