The neighbours are sharpening their pitchforks and arguments in the UK as a local venue, the Marsden Grotto Pub, is getting ready to hold its first BDSM party named “The Cave Club”.
The organisers have a website that promotes the event that is going to take place one night on June 5th according to ChronicleLive.co.uk.
The party is promoted a “unique experience” and as “Europe’s only licensed cave, fully equipped for play”.
This has caused reactions in the neighbourhood and they are, from what I can judge, based on fear and misunderstandings, which is usually the case when different cultures collide.
Leonora Champion of Grotto Road, Marsden, says: “If that’s people preferences it’s up to them but they don’t have to put it in front of our faces.
I find this statement interesting as it is breathing political correctness and incorrectness at the same time. I totally agree with the opinion that no one should have BDSM shoved up their faces if they haven’t given any consent. I always argue that consent should include potential third party members as well, i.e unsuspecting onlookers. On the other hand, this is a private event which isn’t open to members of the public. So there isn’t much of a risk when it comes to involuntary exposure to potential ongoing sessions.
Most venues usually have a rule which prohibits play outside, out in the open, out of consideration for the general public. So I am curious what Leonora Champion believes she will be subjected to? This is where it becomes evident, to me, that concerned neighbours usually operate on stereotypes. I don’t find this surprising as the BDSM community isn’t always trying to inform the general public about BDSM and the dynamics of it, and guess why – Out of fear of being exposed as informing people means that you have to come out.
Leonora continues with the following statement: “It’s just not nice when it’s in your area. I don’t want my grandchildren near anything like that.”
Children and exposure to sex is always a great rhetorical shield to use when people are trying to point out the dangers with diverting sexuality. First of all; BDSM parties doesn’t mean that people are flogging or fucking each other silly in the middle of the street outside a particular venue. I am convinced that some party goers even have children themselves and know how to taken precautionary measures. If Leonora is referering to children being exposed to people in latex clothes and leather, then my response to that is firm and straightforward – Children should be exposed to people that are different, operate on different values and people that look different. It’s all about learning to be open minded.
“It really upsets me to think that I could be walking down there and see something I don’t want to see.”
Well, the solution is quite simple. Even if the pub is considered to be a public space, for one night it isn’t open to the general public – Stay away from it during that night, as no one is forced to walk down there at all if the don’t want to run the risk of being exposed to things they do not want to see.
A mum-of-two from South Shields, who asked not to be named, said: “I think it’s absolutely disgusting. I don’t live far from the grotto with my children and I would hate for them to see something.
“I’m just flabbergasted. Down there is supposed to be a place where you can take your family.”
Here we have the children rhetoric again and my prior statement about children and diverting sexuality still stands.
Mum-of-one Michelle Whitup, 33, also of Grotto Road, said: “I don’t mind things like that happening if they are done privately but not in the face of the public.”
It isn’t in the face of public if it’s inside a pub, behind closed doors and for members only. There shouldn’t be any risk unless the “public” is standing outside the windows of the pub, trying to catch a glimpse of the activities going on.
The interesting part of this story is that it is very similar to a story that went down in Sweden in August 2009, where people living in Västra Å were faced with the same situation as in Marsden. It becomes even more interesting when you realise that they used a similar rethoric to invalidate The Mansion, which was the venue in question.
BDSM moving in to the ordinary part of society causes reactions and invokes fear – It unevitable and maybe it is necessary as well. Our reaction and response creates a fix point we can use as a starting point and move away from the stereotypes that are surrounding BDSM.
Start to communicate with the neighbours, create understanding instead of maintaining people’s skewed image of what BDSM is about.