A BDSM newbie visits a BDSM conference in Rome

I was so glad that a lift to the hotel had been arranged for us, I certainly didn’t relish the thought of sorting that side of things out ourselves, especially with two big bags. Walking into the arrivals lounge, we were confronted by a wall of people holding up signs with peoples names on them. Would they use my Masters scene name or his real name I wondered. Within minutes we spotted a sign with the name “Stoltz Sinatra” written on it and we knew we had our man. Not only that it was the Conference organiser too! Stefano is not the sort of man you would miss in a crowd!  To say that he is tall is an understatement, well at least to me he is.  He is a big guy and I would come to realise a big character too, full of Italian emotion and passion. After waiting a short while for another presenter, we were soon on our way to the hotel.  The journey was interesting and somewhat eye opening as everyone revealed how drama has affected the scene in their own countries.

After checking in at the hotel, and arranging to venture out to find something to eat, I had just enough time to check the luggage. Phew! I breathed a huge sigh of relief as I quickly opened the bags and found that everything was still in one piece. That was at least one weight off my chest, one less thing to worry about. Now I could concentrate on worrying about the conference!

That evening we sat in the bar with the other presenter we had already met. As the evening progressed we were pleased to see more and more presenters arriving from all over the world. Americans, Canadians, Japanese and of course Italians. Polite greetings were exchanged and as the wine flowed everyone relaxed into the surroundings and I began to realise that even though there were some famous names, like Stefanos and Shay from Kink.com, and Lew Reubens, there was no reason to be intimidated by them. Within minutes of meeting them for the first time, it was as though I had known them for ages. They were open, funny, friendly and most importantly, there for the same reasons as us – to share their knowledge, to maybe learn something new and most importantly to have fun.

The following day was a free day for us, giving us the opportunity to venture into Rome. A whistle stop tour of all the main sites was in order starting with the Colosseum. As I had been to Rome before, I plotted a route around the most famous sites. Walking was good, but having a travel card for the underground made life a little easier. During the day we managed to see the Spanish Steps with the obligatory football fans and the Trevi fountain without water. We ate pizza and glorious ice cream in a small cafe, you know the real tourist thing!

Thursday night was munch night so after a quick refreshing shower and a change of clothes, leather of course, we were off to the bar to socialise with everyone. As the evening progressed yet more presenters arrived, together with some of the most important people at the conference, the translators. Without them I don’t think a lot of the attendees would have got so much from the workshops. Some of the demo bottoms began to arrive too and it was a very lively evening as old friends met up and new friendships were made. Wanting to make an early start in the morning we left most people back in the bar as we headed off to bed.

First conference day

After a lovely buffet breakfast we wandered down to the reception for the conference taking our time to get our ID’s and pick up a schedule, only to find out that our Deconstructing a Scene workshop had been rescheduled to 9 o’clock. Oh my goodness instead of a nice easy morning with no workshop to present until 2 o’clock we were dropped into the fire immediately. My Master as usual was unfazed by this change of schedule and sent me back to the room to fetch the items needed for his workshop.

You could tell that it was the first workshop, and an early morning especially for those who had been in the bar the night before. Everyone was in a bit of a daze, so most of the workshops were a little late to start. We had a small group attending ours, but for the intensive type of workshop that this was, that worked out well, even though a morning slot probably wasn’t what we would have liked. For me one of the best parts of this workshop was watching the translator. His enthusiasm together with the gusto he put into the actual translation was a wonder to watch, and like nearly everyone else we met at the conference, we are still friends with him now, but that’s another story.

Relieved to have got one workshop under the belt, we headed off to attend one ourselves. When there is such a diverse range of workshops to choose from, it can be hard to pick which one to attend. Should we go to a workshop on a subject that is practical but maybe something that we knew about already, or should we go to something a little different? Choices, choices. Well that’s what we did, but unfortunately although the content was interesting, it went a little off topic and became a bit of a free for all. Shame really, but we did all seem to get something from it even if it wasn’t what we expected.

Lunch was provided for us as presenters and took the form of a self service buffet with a range of typical Italian dishes. Unfortunately not everyone particularly enjoyed pasta even though its generally what you expect to eat in Italy. What do people expect if they haven’t made it clear before hand that they were gluten intolerant. I suppose it doesn’t matter how much preparation you put into making sure everyone is catered for, there are always a few that fall between the cracks.

Our first electro workshop was straight after lunch, and after a quick trip back to fetch yet more equipment, we headed to the room to set up. At last we had a projector that worked so everyone could watch the presentation my Master had prepared. Dutifully I set out some of the equipment on the table so that everyone could take a look as they waited for the room to fill. I must say that the Violet Wand box, does look intriguing. I remember the first time I saw it and was put in mind of some strange victorian type of mad scientist with all the strange shaped pieces of glass. I still don’t really understand what some of them were originally designed for. I was there to act as the demo bottom, so that my Master could demonstrate the effects of the various implements, but as this workshop works best with audience participation and with my Masters enthusiasm it didn’t take much coaxing for eager volunteers to step forward, so much so that I wasn’t really needed.

I don’t know what it is about Italians but they certainly enjoy the Violet Wand, and watching the giggling volunteers thoroughly enjoy the tingling sensations from the sparks emitted from the wand was mesmerizing. Having participated in this particular workshop several times before, I had never witnessed such a reaction, in particular with the ladies. The effect was almost orgasmic to say the least. Needless to say, the workshop was a success with promises of additional taster sessions during the play parties.

After quickly packing up all the equipment we headed off to watch a presentation about Bootblacking. This was one of the first presentations that I selected when the schedule was released. As part of a Leather family you can probably imagine that Leather is quite important. I’m actually responsible for the care of my Masters and my own leather, and it’s a service I am happy to do. Having the opportunity to learn from an experienced Bootblack how to do things properly was exciting for me, as the whole area of Bootblacking seemed to be shrouded in mystery, especially since experienced Bootblacks are held in quite high esteem within the community. If I was going to perform this service for my Master properly, this was going to be a benefit to me. Boy Grayson is a quiet unassuming person with obvious enthusiasm and joy in what he does is quite evident as he begins to talk about the various items used during the cleaning and care of leather. He talks confidently about the history and culture surrounding bootblacking and happily demonstrates the different parts of the process. A member of the audience is wearing a pair of long black leather boots and Boy Grayson gives him the full service from cleaning through to polishing. It is at this point that you begin to understand the more mental aspect of bootblacking, as you see the connection between the boot wearer and the bootblack, almost isolating themselves from the rest of the room. I found the whole presentation quite inspiring and was happy to realise that I had not made any major mistakes with my own bootblacking so far. Boy Grayson was more than happy to answer questions and took the time to come back to us later in the conference to give us further information. That’s one of the most inspiring parts of being at a conference, the willingness of others to share their knowledge. There seems to be no thought about holding back information merely to have the upper hand, not at all, it’s all about sharing. It’s such a refreshing sensation.

By now we were beginning to feel a little weary, it was 6 o’clock and we still had a play party to attend later that night, so it was time to rest, eat and get ready.

Fun at the Play Party

Heading down to the play room just after the time it was supposed to start, we were slightly surprised at the lack of activity. Hardly anyone was around and when we walked through the play rooms, everyone else was doing the same as us, just walking. Of course, Italy being Italy, the party wouldn’t kick off properly for at least another hour, so we headed back to the main corridor where most people were congregated.

Taking into account that today was the first day we had met any of the attendees or organisers my Master was a little taken aback but happily pleased, when one of the organisers came forward with a leather single tail in his hand and offered it to him to try. This small act of friendliness meant so much to us, and was just a part of what has helped to make this conference so special to us. Needless to say the next half hour took the form of four or five dominants trying out each others whips. The whip cracking filled the air and began to draw a small crowd. This open friendly atmosphere was prevalent not just during the day when the knowledge was being shared in a more structured way, but also here at the play party.

Slowly more people drifted towards the two large play rooms and music began to filter through into the corridor. There were two large rooms set aside for the party. The first, now with dimmed lights and ambient music, was set aside more for rope as the centre of the room was filled with a large structure made for scaffolding which was divided into four play areas. One of the Shibari presenters at the conference was Hourai Kasumi, and she had begun to tie up one of her demo bottoms in one of the four areas. It was a joy to watch, as neither my Master or I are particularly interested in rope, the opportunity to watch someone so skilled work was fascinating for me. As the session progressed it was easy to see the connection between the two women, the looks on their faces, ranging from deep concentration to pure joy was beautiful to watch. This is one of the great advantages of having play parties at a conference, as people will probably tell you. It’s just not possible to see all the workshops you want to. It’s inevitable that there will be clashes in the schedule and you might miss a particular instructor. But here at the party you can see them at play, in the midst in a session, perhaps lost in the moment doing what they love.

As more and more people began to filter in, it was time to make our way into the next room.  Met with bright lights and louder music it certainly set the tone for the room, definitely more energetic than the first room. Lots of different pieces of equipment were positioned around the room and after a quick wander around we settled on a place to set up. The anticipation of play began to settle in my stomach, I sensed it wouldn’t be long until we would play. Since the room was still filled with people just milling around and not actually playing, my Master made the decision to be one of the first. We realised some time before that slow parties sometimes just need one couple to start playing to get everyone else playing too. And so that’s what we did.

As I began to locate the various items my Master had requested, I looked around the room to see who was around us, to see who was watching. Trying my hardest to relax, after all this was supposed to be enjoyable wasn’t it? I approached the tall stocks that we would play around. Nervously I removed my top and bra looking around again to see who was watching. Of course no one really was looking just at me or my breasts, they were just taking in the whole scene. Sensing my hesitation, my Master grabbed my hair and pulled me to him, pulling me back into his protection, pulling me back to our scene and our own little bubble.

Various implements were used during the course of the scene, whips, paddles, scratchy hurty things, I can’t remember the order or what actually was used. All I know is that it was an intense period of time, for however long it actually lasted for. It was enough to bring me to tears and bring on the release I had been craving for days. All the pressures, whether they were self inflicted or real disappeared while we played and for a good while after. I remember the relaxation flood through me, and the happiness at kneeling at my Masters feet as he gently stroked my hair. I have faint memories of people we had met wandering past, just looking and then smiling at the mascara streaked face of the slave lost in her revery.

Leaving our bubble behind to enjoy the rest of the evening, it was quite evident that Italian parties don’t really get started until after midnight. What had been a quite empty room was now buzzing with activity. Every single piece of equipment was in action and the general noise level had risen, the cracks of whips and the sighs of pain and pleasure filled the room.

The tickle torture session

We sat and watched with excitement as various scenes enfolded in front of us. Some were attendees at the conference, some were presenters, some were attendees playing with the presenters. It was a chance for people to try out the skills that had learnt during the day, or maybe even catch up with those presenters they had missed. There was cutting with Master Stefanos and Shay which attracted a great deal of people, and of course the various rope presenters were very popular in the quiet room next door. But one of the most joyful moments of the conference for me was the tickle torture that took place right next to us. A man had been bound to a sturdy table and was being tortured by a diminutive Domina who continued to tickle his whole body as he pulled and strained against his bonds. At one point I thought the whole table was going to topple as it shook so much from his movements, all the while they laughed and joked. It didn’t matter that they were talking in Italian and I didn’t have a clue what they were saying. I didn’t need to understand. I just watched the connection between them, and the pure enjoyment they both exuded it was intoxicating, encouraging me to laugh along with them.

Later on during another discussion and try out of different whips, my Master offered some assistance to a young lady who was very new to the scene. She had no experience of how to whip someone, but was willing to learn. Several of the Italian dominants were already assisting her and she was beginning to pick up a few techniques. It was at this point that my Master met another one of what would be a band of Italian friends at the conference. This young man was a demo bottom at the conference and had already been subjected to some attention during the day. He stood firmly grasping the frame as the young lady practised her whip strokes on his body. It was quite apparent that this young man was no stranger to pain and in fact had very high pain tolerance. As my Master demonstrated various implements on his ass he seemed to enjoy every stroke, his skin getting redder and redder. Eventually our lovely scratchy tool came out (a two pronged sharp device attached to a ring) and soon his ass began to show traces of blood. The young girl, now just standing back and watching looked a little shocked by the blood, but once she could see the obvious pleasure in the young mans face, smiled herself with relief. After making sure that the young man was ok, we toured the room one last time before retiring to bed just after two o’clock. But it was hard to sleep. Both of us had minds filled with thoughts and ideas. We had witnessed so much during the day it was hard to stop our minds from reeling through this massive input of not just information but the fact that we had met so many wonderful people all here to enjoy themselves, open and willing to allow us into this wonderful world.

Second conference day

The second day gave us the opportunity to have a slow morning, allowing a later relaxed breakfast. As we only had one presentation to do during the late afternoon, we could attend some workshops ourselves. Opting to miss the first round of workshops, we joined the buzz of the conference once more mid morning for a very enjoyable presentation by Stefanos and Shay. As the subject was to do with Power Exchange Headspace it seemed perfect for us. These are two people who certainly know their stuff and I would have loved to have had the time to see another of their presentations but I didn’t get the chance. Expertly presented, engaging and informative it was a pleasure to watch, I even got a little teary at the end just watching the dynamic between them.

Due to the rearrangement of one of our presentations we were able to attend another presentation that was high on our pick list. This time it was Fear Play with Master Oliver. Walking into the room we were confronted with a table laid out with a gauntlet of tools of torture, all sorts of whips, paddles and numerous items which will remain secret. You see I can’t tell you much about this workshop because it would just ruin it for you.  This is a full on presentation with plenty of practical demonstration. Needless to say my Master and I were sat on the front row giggling as Master Oliver explained some of the possible uses of all the implements before us.  Some obvious, some not so obvious. Aspects of psychological torture were discussed as far as fear play was concerned. He recounted lots of personal experiences and plenty of ideas for mind fucks were discussed. We left the presentation on a high ready for our own workshop.

Once again the Italian crowd didn’t fail to impress us with their energy and eagerness to try new things. Several volunteers took it in turn to see who could go that little bit further with the various Violet wand attachments. For some reason the TENS wasn’t quite so popular, as the uncontrolled arm waving didn’t give the same sensations as the wand. It would appear that for some the loss of control was something they didn’t enjoy as much as the arousing sensations from the static discharges.

With day two’s presentations over with it was time to recharge and freshen up before the final play party, which had great expectations, promises of extra play with the Violet wand for some of the attendees and the chance to watch other presenters at play.

Gala dinner and play party

Through the gala dinner, the wine flowed leaving a few people a little too tired to play, but after some interesting discussions at the table, people started to wander towards the play area. Once more play was slow to start, but I was given the opportunity to watch a display of self suspension in the quiet room. Shay certainly caught my interest as she tied and untied herself, spinning around like a gymnast, lost in her own world. It was a captivating display of a side of rope I had not witnessed before. Having always thought that there had to be at least two people to do rope, one tying and one being tied, watching someone do everything for herself was certainly an education. The freedom I witnessed was refreshing, spinning around on her own, controlling her own moments seemed almost the opposite of what I thought rope was. Rope meant being tied up didn’t it? Maybe being suspended was an option, but certainly always being under the control of the person tying the rope. But here Shay was making her own decisions and was certainly in control. What an interesting juxtaposition.

Having had requests for Electro play, meant that we set up the Violet wand in the other room. Since the room was quiet, it would be such a shame to waste an opportunity, so needless to say that’s what we played with. The tingling and sometimes intense sensations that the Violet wand creates on my skin, sends my head reeling.  Soon my body is sensitive to even the slightest touch and it takes very little for me to find that point of release. As I said before I am a bit of a crier, so my instinct is always to look to see who is watching me once I begin. But tonight I was not so preoccupied with whether people were watching or not. I had met most of the people gathered in the play room now and finally allowed myself to relax in front of them. After all they were not here to judge, they were here for the same reason as me, to play and to have fun.

Aftercare took a little longer tonight, my crying didn’t seem to want to stop, and through my watery eyes I watched as the room filled up with people. All circling the room, watching as various sessions played out and curious to see the presenters work their magic. In one corner, Stefanos and Shay were busy cutting again, and in another some of the organisers were trying out various whips. It was a special atmosphere, one that you could relax in and realise that you were with special friends.

For an hour or so my Master demonstrated the violet wand in a more session type of way to some of the attendees to our workshops. It was certainly fun to watch as the ladies cooed and purred as the static electricity worked its magic over their skin. In most cases it was good that their partners were with them to take care of them after as all of them were a little overcome afterwards.

The memorable session

One of the most memorable parts of the party was when my Master had a whipping session with the young man he had met the night before. Obviously impressed with my Masters skills, he approached him asking to be whipped. Taking this opportunity to support my Master during this play, I took the role of ensuring that the young man was ok, as it was rather hard for him to communicate with his mouth filled with a rolled up sock. Yes a sock. Its what he did to stop himself screaming, as he didn’t want the person whipping him to stop. He was a true masochist. He enjoyed the pain, and that’s what he got. As my Master began a circle began to form behind him. Thankfully some of the organisers and translators from the conference were there and as the session progressed they were able to explain to other guests what was happening. It must have looked shocking to some. This young mans body contorted with every strike of the single tail. The welts began to form on his back and at one point I asked my Master to pause while I checked on him. An enthusiastic thumbs up was what I received when I asked if he wanted to continue. Need I say more! His back was bloody by the time the session stopped, and that’s why it stopped, not because the young man wanted to stop. In fact he wanted more, but his back would have been shredded if it had continued. Satisfied customer, you ask. Yes certainly and a friend for life. That’s the sort of thing that can happen at a conference. Peoples reactions were mixed, most impressed with the marks he now carried on his back, and those who looked a little shocked or disgusted, only had to look at his face to understand that their reaction was misplaced.

The party rolled on around us as we watched various scenes played out. The clock ticked on yet the room barely emptied as the early hours of the next day crept past. Tiredness caught up with us around 3 o’clock, so we made our way back to the room. Apparently the party continued for quite some time and drifted off to peoples rooms as well.

Third conference day

Breakfast the following morning was certainly quiet and subdued. We ourselves managed to arrive at least half an hour before the service finished, but many a person arrived after us. Walking slowly, eyes clothed in dark glasses, just needing their morning fix of coffee to help start the day. The organisers were good, obviously they knew that everyone would appreciate a later start on the last day and it was to this first workshop that we ventured.

Not being what you would term “Rope” people, we weren’t particularly interested in those workshops.  However the possibility of seeing someone like Lew Rubens in action, couldn’t be missed.  It was something a little different too as his main tool was plastic wrap. With a giggling demo bottom becoming more and more trapped in the middle of a see through spiders web, I was fascinated in not just his skill, but also his great showmanship. Managing to keep the audience interested as he basically attached this girl to a frame work using nothing more that an very long piece of plastic was something I was glad not to have missed. Having the possibility to see workshops on subjects that I would not normally dream of visiting was something that makes going to a conference special. With so many different aspects of BDSM it is very easy to become stuck in your own kink, ignoring so aspects especially if they might require some financial outlay. But being able to experience all this under one roof is such a great opportunity.

Unfortunately we had to leave early to deliver an ad hoc workshops on Tit torture, as if my breasts had not be scratched and bruised already this weekend they ended up with a few more marks by the end of this particular presentation. Thankfully I wasn’t the only demo bottom, as the young man from the night before was encouraged to take part too, to demonstrate the difference between men and women.

After lunch I was left alone to attend Coral Mallow’s service presentation. This was yet another presentation that I had chosen before we even got to Italy, as being a slave to my Master, service is quite an important part of my daily life and to hear someone else’s opinion was going to be interesting. Even though I probably knew everything that Coral had to say, it was still good to hear that I wasn’t barking up the wrong tree. She confirmed my ideas and encouraged my motivations. Even though presentations may be about subjects or areas that we are already knowledgeable about it’s always encouraging to hear that someone else does the same thing, or thinks the same way. It helps us realise that we are not alone.

We had the pleasure of presenting one of the last workshops of the conference, and as it was more of a discussion type of workshop, maybe a little heavy for a Sunday afternoon, I was quite pleased that we had a decent number of people attending. As it was the first time we had presented this particular workshop, I was a little nervous. I would have to speak for myself, and try to remember the facts and quotes I had researched. In the end it worked out quite well, with everyone asking lots of questions, giving me plenty of pause for thought and in the end helping us to develop this presentation into its current form.

Closing ceremony

Attending the closing ceremony was always going to be a hard thing to do. Emotions were running high, and the room was packed even though a large number of attendees and presenters had left in order to catch flights. As we all slowly gathered in one of the conference room, and passed each of our new friends, warm friendly hugs were exchange, together with fetlife and Facebook requests. These were people we wanted to keep in touch with, these were people we wanted to meet again. As Stefano began his closing speech the air in the room was charged with excitement, and once he announced that there would be another conference the following year, cheers and applause filled the room. The inevitable happened as other organisers praised Stefano and the all the wonderful helpers, tears began to flow. Tears of joy, happiness and just a little sadness as we were having to say goodbye, maybe just for only a year, but goodbye nevertheless. These people had become part of our lives, after three intensive days we had grown close to each and everyone in a unique and special way. It was going to be hard not seeing them again. They had all made and impression on our lives.

We were glad to have added an extra day to relax at the hotel. We took the day slowly, saying a few last goodbyes to those still around. Time to decompress a little, time to breath some fresh air when we actually ventured out of the hotel for the first time to find a local cafe for a cup of real Italian coffee and a tempting piece of cake. Slowly talked about what had made the biggest impression on us. We discussed what we had learnt, and about all the people we had met. As we chatted, we began the process  letting the conference slowly absorb into our memories.  Taking this time out certainly helped with our “con drop”. We had been warned about this dreaded side affect, knowing that returning back to our normal daily lives was going to be a difficult, after being closeted away in such an intense situation.

Weeks later we were still discussing what we had experienced. Even now two years later, memories creep back into my mind, and I am constantly reminded of peoples faces when I see their updates on Fetlife, or when a particular topic crops up in a discussion.

Reflecting on my initial fears and trepidations allows me to work on my incessant quest to be perfect. My worries about forgetting something, or that the kit was going to be damaged in transit, disappeared as soon as I allowed myself to embrace the conference and enjoy it as a unique experience. My fears of being somehow inadequate to attend were proved to be unfounded. There was no judgement. There was no exclusion if you didn’t share anyone else kink. In fact it was the opposite, everyone was welcomed with open arms and given the chance to learn, share and play.

Why you should go to a BDSM conference

If you are in the position to attend a conference, do it. Don’t worry and fret about the technicalities of how, when and who with. Just do it. Jump in with both feet and soak up whatever is on offer. If we don’t try to learn more, share our knowledge more widely and enjoy the play, then what sort of community do we have? In my mind a very poor one. One that will become stagnant and boring. Everyone leaving a conference will feel sad to leave behind friends old and new, but they do so with a renewed spring in their step. Ready and raring to go, enthused with the vitality that has surrounded them and nurtured them in the hope that they will return again.