We’ve added a question box on the right side of the blog. You can it to ask us about how we think around BDSM and approach the lifestyle – Other questions might also be welcome of course.
Ask us about our opinion on consent, 24/7 or our love for leather, you can basically ask us anything. We will get opinionated, passionate or just plain old neutral when we answer.
Every now and then we’ll publish the questions and the answers to them in a post.
Who will be the first one to hit us with a really good question?
Ok here is my question. Starting with the fact that. For years I was a piece of crap. Did drugs. Wasn’t there emotionally. She is reliving her parents fucked up relationship. Her dad was a drunk. I finally beat that habit. So she is a strong woman. I was weak minded. She took Care of everything. Now things r changing. We are happy and have played with spanking. She loves to be spanked. Controlled and to totally be used by me. But it is when she wants it. We have talked about power exchange and made rules. The problem is me. She tests me on purpose and eventually I let her get away with it and we fall out of our roles. I don’t know where to go from here. I get tired of every moment i have to deal with her trying to get away with pushing me. I think I have not sufficiently made her see me as dominate and incontroll. I don’t want to hurt her physically or emotionally. And am not experienced enough to know that point. I care deeply for her. What would you suggest? I think if I can het her to truly feel deep down what she says. That everything will change. I believe she wants to give everything up to me but I don’t get her to that point. Its me holding back. I hold this as huge and if I make a mistake it could do more harm than good.
If you want more details to make a better suggestion email me. We go to the Bahamas without the kids this month for a week. I’m thinking I will pull out all the stops and change our lives forever.
Thank you for you time.
1) She tests you on purpose, and eventually you let her get away with it – she is topping you, and you are failing her tests. For your sake, I hope she can give it up, and accept other forms of reassurance, because clearly it's not a mutually acceptable affirmation. One idea: confront her with the questions, does she value the D/s between you? It is a COOPERATIVE relationship, not one of endless conquest. Can she really surrender control? Likewise, do YOU value the D/s, and can you accept control? Another idea: when you see she is testing you, DON'T REWARD THE BEHAVIOR; don't play those games. Decline to be tested anymore.
2) You speculate about a momentus big changeover; my advice is, avoid the temptation. Irrevocable utterly life transforming conquest / surrenders are largely a myth, and one that depends on NO MORE GROWTH of any significance in either person or the relationship. Does that sound good?
3) Clearly you aren't ready for 24/7, and here's a secret: you don't need to aim for it. 🙂 Most kinky people I know with kids cannot openly live D/s all the times; it confuses the kids, the teachers, and often the parents. Even for non-parenting people, session based D/s is actually more common, and there is nothing inferior about it. Are you compatible in lifestyle expression you want (weekend or session play, 24/7, or just a bit of spice sometimes)? If you are mismatched on desires, at the very least be as honest with yourself and each other as you can, or someone will be frustrated or even damaged.
Hope this helps.